A New Covenant for a New Day

Come, come, whoever you are,
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving,
It doesn’t matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow a hundred times,
Come, come again, come.
Rumi

So I have broken my vow a hundred, a thousand times, but still the Lord says, “Come.”

He has been good to me, has designed and purposed good for me, and there are words I wish I could say, vows I wish I could make and keep. In seasons past, I made vows of passion, sentiment, devotion, and surrender. Though extravagant at times, I voiced these vows with genuine sincerity. They were words I spoke with my full heart.

But the test always comes in secret, hidden places, in darknesses. Covenant is not proven in great acts of heroism, but in quiet submission and obedience in small things. And it was in the small and secret where I broke my covenant a thousand times over.

Now here I am, a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit more humbled, seeing myself more truly—a lost and broken child, dripping in shame, who has been claimed and cleaned up and covered. {She who was not loved, I have called ‘loved.’}

From here, it feels foolish to make a new covenant. It feels idealistic to make promises I know I cannot keep.

But I choose today to write a covenant in faith. I write in faith that tomorrow is a new day, where sin and shame from today are washed away and forgotten. I write, trusting that there is a place within me where God’s Spirit touches my spirit, and in that place I can live full and free and whole-hearted. I write believing that there is a better, truer Kathryn hidden beneath the shades of fear and doubt and insecurity, who is ready to fling all upon a reckless, untamable, absolute mystery God.

I write a new covenant, trusting in a covenant-keeping God, who keeps His promise for a thousand generations, a God of grace who will not break His vow to me, no matter how I break mine.

  • I vow to come. I vow to come whether I feel filled or empty, knowing I can pour out the overflow of my love at your feet when I am filled, knowing I can come to be filled when I am empty.
  • I vow to live in expectation that every day you want to show up and you want to open your hand of blessing over my life.
  • I vow to let you breathe life into my bones again.
  • I vow to let you fully and completely take root in me.
  • I vow to let you uproot me however and whenever you see fit and to let my roots sink down deep wherever you will plant me.
  • I vow to live in gratitude, and, when gratitude feels impossible, to look for and name the gifts you have given along the way.
  • I vow to never speak less of myself than what you say of me.
  • I vow to let you shine through me.
  • I vow to follow your footsteps instead of asking you to follow mine.
  • I vow to chase you with the same tenacity with which you have chased me.
  • I vow to repent quickly, to not hide my sin but expose it, to hand it over, to receive your blood and grace which washes me clean and makes me new.
  • I vow to allow you to break open my heart with your love for people, cities and nations.
  • I vow to pray prayers bursting to the seams with passion, fervor, and life, not sickly, anemic prayers.
  • I vow to receive any gift you want to give—the beautiful ones and also the hard ones, even darkness, even suffering, even pain.
  • I vow to let you deepen, widen, and stretch me, however you see fit so I can be fit for your Kingdom.
  • I vow to celebrate the joys and successes of others, to mourn and take time for those in pain and grief.
  • I vow to cover others, not expose.
  • I vow to never demean another royal child of God.
  • I vow to create from the depths of my being, from the place of intimacy with you, from the place of brokenness before you.
  • I vow to create truth, no half-truth, nothing false, but only words and songs that ring true to who you have made me to be.
  • I vow to seek you above your gifts, above all else, to seek you first, no matter the cost.
  • I vow to never take the glory for myself, to seek instead the glory of your kingdom and the beauty of your face.

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